Having answers to the tough questions before you begin your divorce process can pave a much smoother path through this transition.
The basic information your lawyer will ask you to provide is pretty simple: state/province of residence, length of marriage, gross salary, retirement plans and the like. But to truly understand your situation and your needs, it is important to dig a little deeper.
Here are 10 questions to ask yourself as you begin the divorce process.
- What Assets Do You Own?
This a basic questions that should be top of mind. You can likely come up with a list of bank accounts and real estate off the top of your head, but what retirement assets do you and your spouse own? Stock options? Art, jewelry, or antique collections? Time shares? Business interests? A thorough inventory of marital assets goes far beyond liquid cash.
- What Do You Owe?
Along with knowing what you have, it is important to know what you don’t have! This includes all credit-card debt and outstanding loans. Be specific. Do you owe more on your house than it’s currently worth? Do you still have student loans outstanding? Are there high balances on multiple credit cards?
- Could Your Spouse Be Hiding Assets?
It may sound unlikely, but sometimes assets have a way of disappearing after divorce proceedings begin. For example, a spouse may transfer assets to a third party or create false debt in order to skew their financial picture and try to avoid paying a large settlement or spousal support. If you suspect that your spouse is hiding something, let your financial professional and lawyer know – and begin to locate all possible financial documents to find traces of elusive assets.
- What is Most Important to You?
A financial advocate, who represents just you, will certainly need to know what you find most important. For example, do you wish to remain in the marital home? Knowing that will help them to structure different settlement proposals and future predictions based on your priorities.
- What Are You Willing To Give Up?
Divorce settlements rarely work out with everyone completely happy, so you should prepare yourself for a potentially harsh reality. Having a list of must-haves a mile long is a recipe for disappointment; after all, it is often far more expensive to continue fighting your ex over a particular asset than it might be to just let it go.
- How Do You Expect Your Custody Arrangement To Be Structured?
If you have children, it is important to know who they will be spending the most time with, or whether they will be splitting their time equally between both parents’ homes during and after the divorce. Factoring in child-support payments can affect the way a financial picture comes together. Be sure to check your state’s or province’s child support guidelines so you can take realistic numbers into account.
- How Would You Describe Your Financial Situation?
As important as the specific content of your answer is how it makes you feel. Does this question propel you into insecurity or outright fear? Are you blithely assuming that your lifestyle will continue unchanged after divorce? Are you assuming (perhaps incorrectly) that you will receive spousal support? This is a really good time to consider some supportive therapy, as emotional issues triggered by your financial situation surface and may distract you from a logical, reasonable solution.
- Do You Expect to Pay or Receive Spousal Support (Alimony)?
Though fewer divorce settlements include long alimony payments these days, many people still assume that lifetime support will be part of their own settlement. Getting accurate information is very useful in helping your team create models for your financial future.
- Where Are You in the Divorce Process?
For better or worse, most people will seek out a family lawyer first in their divorce process. You may decide not to bring in a financial professional until further into the process, perhaps thinking you’ll save money by delaying. However, having your lawyer and financial professional work together from the beginning can save both time and money in the long run. How far have you gotten in gathering and cataloging information for your financial affidavit? Do you even know what a financial affidavit is? Your financial expert can help to guide you through the financial process just as your lawyer will guide you through the legal one. Taking the time to understand your current situation as well as the road ahead will help your team tailor their communication, advice and instructions to your specific needs.
- What Questions Can A Professional Answer for You?
This might be the best place to start. Divorce is a confusing, emotional, overwhelming experience, and most people simply don’t know what to expect. A little Q&A with an expert can go a long way toward making you feel more in control of the process. Have some patience and compassion for yourself – and if you don’t understand something, keep asking questions until you do.
Schedule a free consultation with me to discuss how I can help you navigate issues pertaining to divorce, financial planning, retirement planning and other matters of importance to women: Calendly.com/contactagrace; or call me at 716-817-6425.
Adrienne Rothstein Grace, CDFA™, CFP is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst™ , author of
Going From We to Me: A Financial Guide to Divorce, and the founder of Transitioning Finances, a financial strategy firm that works with women who are thinking about, or going through, a financially complicated divorce. She also advises women who have lost a loved one, or experienced other financially challenging transitions. She can be reached at: Adrienne@AdrienneGrace.com.
