A dear friend was just in a medical emergency situation, and needed the input of her health care proxy, her brother, to give instructions. In this case, the decision was made to maintain her life support and not ‘pull the plug.’ She rallied, and is on a slow path to recovery, although a full recovery is unlikely.
No one likes to think about not being alive anymore, or the process of dying — until sometimes it’s just right there. We can’t always see what lies ahead, and death comes to us all, often without warning.
People often think of writing a will, while we’re alive and in a position to do so. That’s very important, in order to give directions about how we want our affairs handled when we’re gone.
But before that, one of the most important things we can do is to designate a health care proxy to ensure our wishes are carried out when we can’t speak for ourselves. A health care proxy is someone we designate to advocate for us in those medical and end-of-life decisions. It could be in case of incapacity or illness, or in an emergency situation, like my friend’s.
By designating a health care proxy, all the guesswork and anxiety about who can speak for you is relieved.
A health care proxy should be someone you can trust to advocate on your behalf when you can’t, someone who understands your end-of-life wishes. This should include whether you want to be resuscitated if you cannot breathe on your own; whether you want your organs donated; in states where there are legal options for ending a person’s suffering, your proxy would be able to carry out your wishes.
A health care proxy also takes the guessing and guilt out of death: No wondering or stress-filled hours if someone is designated as your voice when you cannot speak. He or she will know, without a doubt, what your wishes are and that they are fulfilling your plans. This is a blessing and a kindness to yourself, your family and your friends as they’re going through a painful, difficult time.
Did you know that some states have established a chain of command for who’s legally able to make decisions about end-of-life care? The New York Family Health Care Decisions Act designates that a legal spouse can issue directives in the event their spouse cannot speak on his or her own behalf. If a couple is not legally separated but was on the path to that action, and one partner falls seriously ill, their estranged partner can, in the eyes of the state, still decide what happens next.
The second person in line, if a legal spouse or partner is not an option, is a child over the age of 18, followed by a parent, then a sibling, or finally a close friend.
Other states have similar statutes in place.
None of us want our lives to end, but none of us want our loved ones to have to live with the guilt or uncertainty of worrying about whether they did the right thing. Assigning a health care proxy eliminates that concern.
