In the world of divorce professionals, we often see January as the start of a busy time of new divorce filings.
Divorced myself, I can testify why! Maybe these are true for you, too?
I can still recall the feeling of being overwhelmed during the holiday season. So many holiday events, so many
parties, family gatherings, etc. when all I really wanted to do was try to get my husband to communicate truthfully with me, without all the noise of the social and family world. But that didn’t happen, and I dutifully (I admit, it was really fun) baked cookies with my daughter and friends, and made my signature pecan pies to bring to holiday work parties and dinners. I never really knew if he would be with me at these events or not, so I had some pat lines ready to cover his absence. Dodging conversations with assorted relatives about how things are going, when
I really didn’t want to tell them the truth, was exhausting. Pretending was the modus operandi for the holiday
season. Is that the same for you? My clients often relate similar experiences in their lives.
The new year brings blessed relief from all the running around and pretending to both sides of the family that everything is just peachy and fine. And the kids go back to school! And New Year’s Resolutions, the private ones that you don’t share with anyone else, are now written down.
Just looking at the words I wrote, seeing them in black and white, gave those words and me some power I had given up:
I don’t want to live another year like this, unhappy and unfulfilled, insecure and small. I won’t give up my
confidence any more. I won’t live any more with lies, his to me and mine to myself. Our kids and me, we deserve better than this!
Maybe making this kind of resolution can empower you to action, as well. By mid- January, many are motivated to move forward for the new year.
And don’t forget the post- Christmas bills. I’ll never forget when I reviewed credit card statements while preparing a lifestyle analysis for my client, Emily. She was on the fence about divorce; she just wanted to get a handle on the finances of her marriage, now managed by her husband. I found a $10,000 charge from an on-line jewelry store, and brought it to her attention. Unfortunately, she had not received any jewelry for Christmas, nor for their December anniversary, or, indeed any gift of that cost. When she confronted Larry, her husband, about it, he confessed that had bought the diamond and amethyst bracelet – for his girlfriend. Emily didn’t file for divorce in January. She waited til February!
For others, it can be the financial pressure that overspending for the holidays can bring. When relationships are rocky, sometimes you think that a big, expensive gift will make it be all right. When Dad isn’t spending quality time with the kids, lots of presents might make them feel better for a while. Or that last-ditch family vacation can max out the credit cards without really making anyone feel better. When the bills come in, they can represent another failure, albeit one that still needs to be paid for.
It’s not all terrible! New years can bring renewed hope for new beginnings, courage to take action to make things better, to move forward. There’s a fresh new year out there, waiting for you to make it be what you really want.
So flipping the calendar does offer that hope of a fresh start, the courage to make a change. And a busy season for family law attorneys, counselors and therapists, and Certified Divorce Financial Analysts, as we all gear up to help our clients create their new reality in the new year.
