Right up there with losing some weight, getting a divorce is high on the New Years Resolution list for many. Is it for you?

January represents a new start, a renewed chance to improve your life, set and achieve your goals, find happiness or just end the misery of a bad relationship.

Christmas fun is over, as is the pressure to put on a brave face for the in-laws and the kids. Holiday overspending bills come in, and maybe you didn’t get anything you really wanted. Financial pressure rises.

It’s also a grey and cold month up here in the north. SADD and cabin fever set in when it’s too cold to go outside, and too-much togetherness can enhance conflict when it’s already brewing.

As we start 2023, the economy is in an interesting place, with high inflation, and lots of job opportunities. Is this the perfect time to salvage the increased value of your house, or maybe to buy it out while the value is dropping? Will an end of year work bonus provide some additional cash for legal and other expenses?

No wonder they call January ‘Divorce Month’.

Is this resonating with you? Let’s talk and see if we can help you find some clarity as you think about the 2 big questions: 

Should I stay or should I go?  And- Will I Be ok?

Schedule a free Financial Clarity session with me at: www.calendly.com/contactAGrace and we’ll tackle this new year together.

January and February can be the start of a busy time of new divorce filings. After this crazy, Covid quarantine year- even more so! Do you wonder why? As both a divorce professional and a divorced single mother, here’s some insight for this new year.

Have you been feeling overwhelmed during the holiday season, with the pandemic creating so many changes to holiday events and family gatherings, were you feeling the tension rise? The pull of family tradition vs facing the Covid danger of reunion, coupled with the fact that you may not really want to be with these people, can enhance your already conflicted feelings over a rocky relationship.

Being divorced myself, I vividly recall when all I really wanted to do was get my husband to communicate truthfully with me, without all the noise of the social and family world. But that didn’t happen, and I dutifully baked cookies with my daughter and made my signature pecan pies to bring to our smaller gatherings. I never really knew if he would be with me at these events or not, so I had some pat lines ready to cover his absence. Dodging conversations with assorted relatives about how things are going, when I really didn’t want to tell them the truth, was exhausting. Pretending was the modus operandi for the holiday season.

Is that the same for you? 

The new year brought me blessed relief from all the pretending that everything is fine. And I made New Year’s resolutions, the private ones that you don’t share with anyone else. Just looking at the words I wrote, seeing them in black and white, gave me some power I had given up:

I don’t want to live another year like this, unhappy and unfulfilled, insecure and small. I won’t give up my confidence anymore. I won’t live any more with lies, his to me and mine to myself. Our kids and me, we deserve better than this! I don’t know how to manage the money or the finances of the divorce- but I’ll get some help and move on!

Perhaps making this kind of resolution can empower you to action, too.

Here are 3 things you can do right now: 

1.) Think about: When was I excited to wake up each morning? What can I do to bring that back into my life? That can be your first resolution, whatever it may be.

2.) Have you gotten into the pattern where you feel you have to do everything yourself (like I did)? Resolve to ask for and receive help. Find the team that can help you do what you need to. It could be finding a handyman so all the honey-do’s get done without frustration or it might it be to find a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst to help get your finances in order as you consider divorce.

3.) People under stress often neglect their health, so you may end up feeling chronically tired and irritable. Resolve to take better care of yourself. Take small steps to improve your wellness regimen, just one or two things that you can succeed at: Take a walk outside every day, park a few rows farther away from the grocery store, take the stairs instead of the elevator, have an apple instead of ice cream for dessert. The new year is a great time to establish a newer, healthier regimen, and start feeling better so you can move forward with energy and confidence.

New Year. Fresh Start.

Flipping the calendar to a new page offers that hope of a fresh start, the courage to make a change. There’s a fresh new year out there, waiting for you to make it be what you really want. Taking action in January opens this up. A very wise friend told me, “Action is the Antidote to Fear”. Go for it!

And divorce professionals: Attorneys, mediators, therapists, and Certified Divorce Financial Analysts, like me, all gear up to help our clients create their new reality in the new year. To talk about your new year, just email at: adrienne@adriennegrace.com, or schedule a free Financial Clarity session with me at: www.calendly.com/contactAGrace and we’ll tackle it together.

All articles/blog posts are for informational purposes only, and do not constitute legal advice. If you require legal advice, retain a lawyer licensed in your jurisdiction. The opinions expressed are solely those of the author, who is not an attorney.

Divorced myself, I can testify why! Maybe these are true for you, too?

I can still recall the feeling of being overwhelmed during the holiday season. So many holiday events, so many
parties, family gatherings, etc. when all I really wanted to do was try to get my husband to communicate truthfully with me, without all the noise of the social and family world. But that didn’t happen, and I dutifully (I admit, it was really fun) baked cookies with my daughter and friends, and made my signature pecan pies to bring to holiday work parties and dinners. I never really knew if he would be with me at these events or not, so I had some pat lines ready to cover his absence. Dodging conversations with assorted relatives about how things are going, when

I really didn’t want to tell them the truth, was exhausting. Pretending was the modus operandi for the holiday
season. Is that the same for you? My clients often relate similar experiences in their lives.

The new year brings blessed relief from all the running around and pretending to both sides of the family that everything is just peachy and fine. And the kids go back to school! And New Year’s Resolutions, the private ones that you don’t share with anyone else, are now written down.

Just looking at the words I wrote, seeing them in black and white, gave those words and me some power I had given up:
I don’t want to live another year like this, unhappy and unfulfilled, insecure and small. I won’t give up my
confidence any more. I won’t live any more with lies, his to me and mine to myself. Our kids and me, we deserve better than this!

Maybe making this kind of resolution can empower you to action, as well. By mid- January, many are motivated to move forward for the new year.

And don’t forget the post- Christmas bills. I’ll never forget when I reviewed credit card statements while preparing a lifestyle analysis for my client, Emily. She was on the fence about divorce; she just wanted to get a handle on the finances of her marriage, now managed by her husband. I found a $10,000 charge from an on-line jewelry store, and brought it to her attention. Unfortunately, she had not received any jewelry for Christmas, nor for their December anniversary, or, indeed any gift of that cost. When she confronted Larry, her husband, about it, he confessed that had bought the diamond and amethyst bracelet – for his girlfriend. Emily didn’t file for divorce in January. She waited til February!

For others, it can be the financial pressure that overspending for the holidays can bring. When relationships are rocky, sometimes you think that a big, expensive gift will make it be all right. When Dad isn’t spending quality time with the kids, lots of presents might make them feel better for a while. Or that last-ditch family vacation can max out the credit cards without really making anyone feel better. When the bills come in, they can represent another failure, albeit one that still needs to be paid for.

It’s not all terrible! New years can bring renewed hope for new beginnings, courage to take action to make things better, to move forward. There’s a fresh new year out there, waiting for you to make it be what you really want.

So flipping the calendar does offer that hope of a fresh start, the courage to make a change. And a busy season for family law attorneys, counselors and therapists, and Certified Divorce Financial Analysts, as we all gear up to help our clients create their new reality in the new year.