Clients with ‘late blooming relationships’, whether following divorce or widowhood, have a new set of choices to make.  Should we marry, or continue our relationship less formally? I know, for many of you some less-than-wonderful terms from the past for these relationships come to mind- but let’s let them go.  Those were for different times, different people. This is about YOU.

You’ll need to talk with your families, and perhaps deal with religious issues, but let’s think about the financial impact of the decision.  There are multiple impacts, and you need the best financial and legal advice, to help you decide.

Talk to your honey about money.  If you are already living together, I hope you have had the ‘money talk’ before deciding whether to merge finances.  Who pays for what? And- of paramount importance to an older population, what happens if one of you can’t live independently any more? Issues of long term care- how would it be done? by whom? How is it paid for?  What is the impact on the independent partner? These are often concerns of When- not If. If you’re concerned about whether assets can be insulated from Medicaid spend down, the government does not recognize either prenup or post-nup agreements for this purpose.  There are some protections for spouses both in the Medicaid rules and in Medicaid planning, but you need to examine the pro’s and con’s and see how marriage may impact your responsibilities and the impact on your families before making a decision.  

Do you want to execute a Prenuptial or Post-nuptial Agreement?   If you have established a business or accumulated assets, prenups and post-nups are valid tools to clarify your wishes about how your business, money and property will be distributed.  It could state that each of you have certain assets that are not marital assets, and that you name your children, for example, as beneficiaries of those assets, rather than your new spouse.  Those assets would be disclosed, and listed, for clarity. You can make other decisions regarding assets gained during the marriage.

There are some advantages to being married. If you marry, and your new your spouse has healthcare insurance through work, you can likely be covered under his or her plan. This could save substantial money. There may be also be veteran’s benefits for a spouse.  

If your spouse dies, and you inherit IRA/401k funds, there is more flexibility in payout alternatives for spouses, than non-spouse beneficiaries. There are also potential Social Security spousal benefits, both at death and during your lifetime.

If you’ve been previously divorced, there may be some disadvantages to being married.  Some benefits you may have from your ex may be lost in remarriage.

 If you have been receiving Social Security under your deceased spouse’s benefit and you remarry before age 60 (before age 50 if you are disabled), you will likely lose the prior benefit.  When your new spouse passes away, you may be eligible for that benefit, or a new one based on your new spouse’s record. 

If it doesn’t work out.  It’s hard to ‘uncouple’.  You already know that. As far as relationships are concerned, it may not be any easier to separate regardless of your legal status.  Marriage can offer some asset protection that cohabitation might not.

Do you get my point that there is a lot to consider before making this decision?  

Consult an experienced  financial planner-(ME!)- for what you need to know about your money, how to structure it  and how to manage it, to make the most of whichever choice you make. Don’t forget to check with your attorney, as well, for critical legal documents to protect yourselves and your families, once you have your finances straightened out. 

Avoid the common mistakes most women make about money, especially when they are in crisis- divorce, widowed, etc. Schedule a free consultation with me at Calendly.com/contactagrace; or call me at 716-817-6425.

Securities and Advisory Services offered through Cadaret, Grant, Registered Investment Advisor and Member FINRA/SIPC., Transitioning Finances, Davis Financial Services and Cadaret, Grant & Co., Inc. are separate entities.

No one likes to think about not being alive anymore, or the process of dying — until sometimes it’s just right there. We can’t always see what lies ahead, and death comes to us all, often without warning.

People often think of writing a will, while we’re alive and in a position to do so.  That’s very important, in order to give directions about how we want our affairs handled when we’re gone.

But before that, one of the most important things we can do is to designate a health care proxy to ensure our wishes are carried out when we can’t speak for ourselves. A health care proxy is someone we designate to advocate for us in those medical and end-of-life decisions. It could be in case of incapacity or illness, or in an emergency situation, like my friend’s.

By designating a health care proxy, all the guesswork and anxiety about who can speak for you is relieved.

A health care proxy should be someone you can trust to advocate on your behalf when you can’t, someone who understands your end-of-life wishes.  This should include whether you want to be resuscitated if you cannot breathe on your own; whether you want your organs donated; in states where there are legal options for ending a person’s suffering, your proxy would be able to carry out your wishes.

A health care proxy also takes the guessing and guilt out of death:  No wondering or stress-filled hours if someone is designated as your voice when you cannot speak. He or she will know, without a doubt, what your wishes are and that they are fulfilling your plans.  This is a blessing and a kindness to yourself, your family and your friends as they’re going through a painful, difficult time.

Did you know that some states have established a chain of command for who’s legally able to make decisions about end-of-life care? The New York Family Health Care Decisions Act designates that a legal spouse can issue directives in the event their spouse cannot speak on his or her own behalf.  If a couple is not legally separated but was on the path to that action, and one partner falls seriously ill, their estranged partner can, in the eyes of the state, still decide what happens next.

The second person in line, if a legal spouse or partner is not an option, is a child over the age of 18, followed by a parent, then a sibling, or finally a close friend.

Other states have similar statutes in place.

None of us want our lives to end, but none of us want our loved ones to have to live with the guilt or uncertainty of worrying about whether they did the right thing.  Assigning a health care proxy eliminates that concern.