The first holidays after a divorce can be particularly hard and stressful on everyone in your life. Here are five things that helped me after my divorce, and may help you, as well.
- Allow everyone to grieve and mourn the holidays of the past. Divorce is a kind of death: of unfulfilled expectations, or the family unit we used to be. Don’t try to pretend that the pain isn’t there. Allow your kids to talk about the past, acknowledge it and move forward to now and how you’ll build your new future.
- Be Thankful. Focus on what you and your children have, rather than what you’ve lost. Revenge is not sweet. Keeping your thoughts positive will benefit everyone.
- Watch your spending. More is not always better. With budgets that may be tighter now, don’t dig yourself a hole that will be hard to climb out of in January.
- Create New Memories. Use this time to create memorable new experiences for both you and your children. Do something different. Make something together. Create new ornaments, baked treats, table decorations; take lots of pictures of your new holiday creations.
- Try to avoid some of the usual rushing around, to allow for some quiet time. Be thoughtful. Think about what will support you and your kids best, during this time of transition.
As you well know, divorce is a long process. My therapist friends tell me it usually takes two years for people to ‘get over’ their divorce. Sometimes it’s longer. The first holidays are hard but once you get past this one, it will get easier. Really!
