I hope you’ve enjoyed this exploration of love and money so far. Challenging, but so rewarding!
Now that you’ve opened up about money with each other, it’s time to take a closer look. If you keep your finances separate, before you get together to discuss finances as a couple, check out what’s going on with your own. Ask your partner to do the same prep work, so you both can come to the table with up-to-date information.
You can do this. It’s helpful to know that your partner is tackling this, too. If you hold your accounts jointly, decide who will gather up the documents, or do it together.
- Start by writing down all of your debts: student loans, credit cards, car payments, etc. Be sure to include the APR (interest and fees) on all of them. Tip: Sometimes your credit card APR is on the last pages of your statement, so don’t worry if it doesn’t jump out at you when you check. Don’t edit to spare your feelings. Truth.
- Then log all of your income, even if your spouse is the primary wage-earner. If you are paid a set salary this is easy. If you work freelance, hourly or multiple jobs, or have a side hustle, look back over the last 12–18 months. List each month individually. This can help you identify cycles/trends in your income as well as the average monthly amount.
- Don’t forget savings, life insurance, child support, 401K, etc.
Set your Money Date to review the financial work you’ve prepared.
Pick a comfortable time and place, free from distractions. Perhaps a local coffee shop, or this might be better spread out on the dining room table. If you have kids, get a sitter or if they are young, after they’ve gone to bed. And make this a no cell phone, no tv time.
Be open and non-judgmental
Create a judgment-free zone and bring an open mind. Nearly 38 percent of couples were only somewhat or not at all aware of their significant other’s debts or income! So you’re not alone if there are surprises here.
Start with now, then plan for later
This Money Date is about where each of you is, individually. If you already have common assets, that can be a part of the discussion too, but stay focused on the present more than the future. This an appraisal of now. Once you know where you stand, then set a separate date for planning your future. Try scheduling a monthly Money Date until you get comfortable. Then you can move to quarterly, or even yearly goal setting getaways, if that makes sense. Tax time is a natural, as the yearly summaries come in.
Reward yourselves afterward
Money Dates can be a bit of work, and they can be stressful. Unexpected emotional issues can arise; Important insights appear into each other, and maybe some tension, as well. So try to plan something fun to do together after your Money Date business is complete. Grab a glass of wine, go for a drive, see a funny movie, get some ice cream. Rewarding yourselves by creating a fun ritual may actually get you excited for all your future Money Dates.
If you’d like to discuss any of these helpful tips, schedule a Financial Clarity session with me at www.calendly.com/contactAGrace.
