A client came to me well before she planned to have the “big conversation” with her husband. She was being prudent – she needed to understand her options, the process, and potential outcomes. Because she was doing her “homework” early in the process I had her follow some privacy guidelines – guidelines that can help anyone who finds themselves getting divorced:
- Set up a new mailing address for your private correspondence and bank statements. Rent a post office box if you can, or engage a trusted friend or family member to receive your mail.
- Set up a new email account, using terms that are not familiar or immediately recognizable. Have some fun with your new account name. For example, try something positive, like: 4Good*Days; NewChoices!4me; *MyNewLife1$; Fit&Fabulous45
- Avoid passwords you have used before and may have shared with your partner. Choose entirely new passwords and follow the guidelines for more secure choices: capitalized and lower case letters, numbers that are not your birthdate or address, and when permitted – use symbols. Don’t write them down and leave them where they might be easily found. .
- It’s usually a good idea to avoid using your work computer for these communications, as email messages at work can legally be monitored by your supervisors. And it’s good to have somewhere to go where you don’t have to think about your personal issues. Keep in mind that free use of computers is available at most public libraries.
- Put a password on your phone so your call history and text messages cannot be accessed without it. As above, don’t use your birthday, kid’s birthdays or address number as your password. Choose something new. Then you can post your list of new accounts and passwords in your phone.
- If you are concerned about your movements being tracked, disable the GPS on your cellphone. Your phone carrier can walk you through this process.
- You may wish to maintain a record of emails and texts from your soon-to-be ex, especially if there are comments relating to children’s issues, or items that could be classified as abuse. Document, document, document. You can play messages into a recorder to keep them, but off your phone. You can send the texts to your email account and print them. Inflammatory emails should be shared with your attorney. Keep in mind that you don’t have to respond to every text or message, especially when you find them upsetting.
Safeguarding your privacy now can secure a private new future for you. Always remember the adage – an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!
