Are you a nurturer? Are you a mom? Have you spent most of your marriage taking care of your husband and family, and perhaps putting others’ needs ahead of your own? Welcome to the club! This mindset does make it harder to make the transition from thinking of ‘We’, you and your husband as a unit, to being concerned with the welfare of ‘me’ (of course, your children are included). It’s not an easy page to turn.
That’s the reason I chose this phrase for the title of my book, because it really describes the journey we take in divorce and afterwards.
I offer you the following, that has helped me and hundreds of my clients make this life-altering transition. I know I repeated these things to myself so many times during and after my own divorce. I found grounding and a path forward. You can, too.
He is not your problem. No matter what you think about him, he is not your problem. No matter what you feel about him, he is not your problem.
He is who he is, and he is going to do whatever he is going to do. You can’t change who he is and you can’t control what he does.
He is only your problem because you empower him to become your problem. You empower him by allowing him to push your buttons. You empower him to be your problem each time you react in a way that causes you to lose your focus and compromise your values.
He is not your problem because what he thinks about you, what he believes you deserve or how he feels about you is not relevant to anyone but him.
He is not your problem because he does not have the power to define success or failure for anyone but himself. He does not dictate how you define who you are, and how you will live your life.
Who he is, is not your problem unless you want him to be someone different. What he does is not your problem unless you are wishing and hoping that he does something differently. What he says to you or about you is not your problem unless you want him to say something different.
He may make you feel crazy, angry, sick, sad, resentful, fearful, insecure, disempowered, small and guilty. He may be unfair, nasty, vengeful or cold. He may be a problem but don’t make him your problem. That will only distract you from your real problems
Your real problem is how to conclude your divorce and move on with your life, separate from him. He’s not your problem. Your divorce is, and that’s a problem you can solve.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
Does this resonate with you? If you need some support to move forward in your divorce with confidence and clarity, just click here to schedule a free Financial Clarity session with me. We can outline some steps you can take now, and see if it’s a fit for us to work together to support you more. Schedule your free financial clarity session today at calendly.com/contactAGrace!
