Right up there with losing some weight, getting a divorce is high on the New Years Resolution list for many. Is it for you?

January represents a new start, a renewed chance to improve your life, set and achieve your goals, find happiness or just end the misery of a bad relationship.

Christmas fun is over, as is the pressure to put on a brave face for the in-laws and the kids. Holiday overspending bills come in, and maybe you didn’t get anything you really wanted. Financial pressure rises.

It’s also a grey and cold month up here in the north. SADD and cabin fever set in when it’s too cold to go outside, and too-much togetherness can enhance conflict when it’s already brewing.

As we start 2023, the economy is in an interesting place, with high inflation, and lots of job opportunities. Is this the perfect time to salvage the increased value of your house, or maybe to buy it out while the value is dropping? Will an end of year work bonus provide some additional cash for legal and other expenses?

No wonder they call January ‘Divorce Month’.

Is this resonating with you? Let’s talk and see if we can help you find some clarity as you think about the 2 big questions: 

Should I stay or should I go?  And- Will I Be ok?

Schedule a free Financial Clarity session with me at: www.calendly.com/contactAGrace and we’ll tackle this new year together.

A view of the ancient city of Toledo, Spain, spread out like a page from a storybook, seen from our hotel window. A lifelong dream to tour Spain-realized with my month-long vacation last fall.

Me? Take a month-long vacation? Not possible, I told myself for a long time. I’m self-employed. I’ve never been anywhere for a whole month. My clients need me. I do speak Spanish, but to be away for that long? Yadda yadda yadda. All the reasons why I couldn’t possibly.
But I’ll confess, I actually do take my own advice sometimes! And the advice I took years ago was to save. I save 10% from every paycheck. That’s MY money. Not for bills, not for the house, not for anything, really, just to have for FREEDOM. And it’s my freedom money that enabled this trip.

A 7 day tour with an alumni group in Catalonia, 90 minutes north of Barcelona with my ‘significant other’, followed by another week or so of travelling on our own to Pamplona and Madrid. And then he went home, and I had the extra gift of 10 days travelling in Spain with my adult daughter in Madrid, Toledo, Granada.

I/we visited so many of the places I’ve studied throughout my life, as a Spanish speaker, a Spanish major in college, and a Spanish teacher (junior high and college) before I became a financial professional. Truly a lifelong ambition, the top item on my ‘bucket list’. And I did it.

With the power of intention- Yes, I can! And the power of saving. When I started my freedom account, I didn’t have any specific thing in mind. Maybe you will- whatever you dream of: travel? Buying a house? A musical instrument with lessons to learn to play? A friend of mine has a ‘tummy-tuck fund’. Whatever you want can be possible with those two things: An intention, and enough money to fund your dream.

Is it selfish to put aside some money for yourself? Maybe. And maybe we need to revisit the definition of ‘selfish’. Taking care of ‘self’ is not a bad thing, not something to feel guilty about. But that’s a story for another time…

For now- I invite you to start saving. It doesn’t have to be much, but it helps if it’s regular. Something from every paycheck, every week/biweekly/monthly. In an account with just your name on it.

Start now- and see where it takes you when you are ready. The results can be amazing! In Spanish, Maravilloso!

Let’s create a Financial Freedom Plan with YOU at the center! Schedule your free Financial Clarity session today so we can help YOU create a financial freedom plan – www.calendly.com/ContactAGrace

When you decide to remarry, especially either of you have children, here are some tips to create a solid foundation for your continuing relationship.

Consider a Prenuptial Agreement

When you have your own assets, intending to pass them on to your children, and your new spouse has the same-  a prenuptial agreement can be particularly helpful. Honest and open communication about money and what came before, is an important part of a new relationship so it can be be built on trust and fairness.

(For help here, email me for a copy of “How to Talk to Your Honey about Money”)

If either or both of you have gone through a divorce, you’ll want to avoid that contentious negotiation about dividing assets and protect each other the best you can. Consider what’s in those divorce settlements. Receiving alimony likely will end with remarriage, but the obligation to pay a former spouse does not end. Child support continues, and life insurance beneficiary designations may need to remain in place. Many prenups will state that premarital assets, what you own before this marriage, may go to the children, but assets you acquire during the marriage, are split between you.

States have their own rules, most requiring that a half or a third of marital assets pass to a surviving spouse. It’s important that this is specifically addressed in the agreement, to avoid problems later.

Update Estate Planning Documents

It’s important to do this after divorce whether you remarry or not. All of your legal and financial documents, account titles, and beneficiary designations should be updated.  Who should act as your health care proxy? Who is the beneficiary of your life insurance policy? Etc.

Wills: Do you have a will? A will states your wishes about who gets what when you pass away. You’ll want to make certain that your former spouse is not still your beneficiary! If your children are still minors, who will act as their Guardian?

Your children are the ‘natural objects of your bounty’- a legal concept. But your stepchildren, however close your bond with them is, are not.  If you want to leave something to a stepchild, you need to list it specifically.

Do you have a Living Trust? Review the terms of the Trust and who is acting as Trustee.

If you don’t have a Trust, consider putting one in place.

Trusts can be especially useful for blended families. You can  ensure that your assets benefit your surviving spouse during his/her lifetime, while providing that what remains after the spouse’s death passes to your own kids. Consider choosing an independent, neutral trustee, to minimize friction for everyone.

Check Beneficiary Designations

Review the beneficiary designations on 401(k) accounts, IRA’s and other retirement accounts, life insurance policies, or any account with a directly named beneficiary. These assets pass outside of your will, and must be separately updated. Your prior divorce does not necessarily revoke a designation of an ex-spouse as a beneficiary on everything.  Your prior settlement may give retirement assets to your ex- and these cannot legally be revoked. Spousal rights in retirement plans governed by the Employee Retirement Income Security Act of 1974 (ERISA) are subject to special rules and may require your new spouse to sign off if you want your 401(k) to go to your children.

Consider Life Insurance

Life insurance can be a valuable tool to create an inheritance for your new spouse and your children. It’s not uncommon for a pre-existing policy to name your former spouse as beneficiary as part of the settlement, perhaps to secure child support payments. A new Life insurance policy can create the funds to benefit everyone you wish- your kids, your new step-kids, and anyone else.

Family structure is increasingly fluid. As your family structure changes, it is important to make sure that your estate and financial plans reflect your these dynamics. Your financial planner and estate planning attorney can help you take a holistic approach to your future, so you can enjoy the present.

If you need guidance on securing your financial future, contact me at adrienne@adriennegrace.com or schedule your free Financial Clarity session at www.calendly.com/contactAGrace to get started.

1.  Are you eligible to claim your children as dependents?  This is usually clarified in the divorce settlement agreement, but that’s not quite enough.  The IRS has a required form: Form 8332- Release/Revocation of Release of Claim to Exemption for Child by Custodial Parent.  The must be reviewed, signed and attached to both of your tax returns.  Go to www.irs.gov for a copy of the form and more information.
2. Did you remember that you can alternate who claims your children as dependents from year to year?  A child can be claimed as your dependent long as he/she is under age 19 (on Dec 31) and lives with you for more than half of the year, or is a full time student up to age 24.
3. What status will you use to file your taxes?  If you were divorced by 12/31, married filing jointly is no longer an option.  You can choose between single and head of household.  Check with your tax preparer to see which works better for you.
4. Are you receiving or paying alimony/spousal maintenance?

Remember that alimony is taxable to the recipient and a tax deduction to the person who’s paying.  If this is the first year you are receiving maintenance, and you haven’t been putting money aside for your tax bill, brace yourself for the shock, and start saving now.  You can open a savings account for taxes, and have money transferred monthly from your checking account, to minimize this problem going forward.  Discuss this with your tax preparer, to see if you need to make estimated payments during the year.

Child support is tax-neutral: it’s not taxable to the recipient, and it’s not tax deductible to the person who’s paying.

Your first tax return after your divorce, is just one more step on your journey to financial freedom.

And we grew up with the dream that a knight in shining armor, our very own Prince Charming, would come to our rescue and off we would go to ‘happily ever after’.

Well, I can tell you that the ‘happily ever’ I imagined didn’t include a mortgage payment, cleaning up dog poop, becoming the primary wage earner, or a husband who broke my heart.

I began to ask, so- what happened to Sleeping Beauty’s kingdom? Or Snow White’s?

Then came the new Disney princesses: Moana, Elsa, Belle, Ariel. They are cut from a different cloth. They are independent, brave, and they take a stand for themselves and their families. They take risks, and make very different choices than their fairy tale mothers. These princesses don’t always come from loving, intact families, but perhaps that breeds in them a sense of adventure and a need to prove themselves.

So- did you start out like Snow White, singing, ‘Some Day My Prince will Come’- but now realizing that you’ve been cooped up with him for long months during COVID-19 and that dream is done?

Are you feeling more like Moana? Are you ready to take a stand and (re)discover your own goddess within…reclaiming your own heart?

Is it time to go?

I’ve been both divorced and widowed. I’ve walked this path. If your divorce is not a burden but a blessing, let’s work on it together.
Confused? Anxious? Frightened? Hurt? Resentful? Angry? All of the above? I know how it feels, and I can help.

Moana sings:

I have crossed the horizon to find you.
I know your name.
They have stolen the heart from inside you.
But this does not define you.
This is not who you are.
You know who you are.

I apologize, Disney. This part you got right.

Contact me at adrienne@adriennegrace.com or www.calendly.com/contactAGrace for a free Financial Discovery session and we’ll get you started on a path to your next chapter.

Remember, Marriage is about love; Divorce is about money. Don’t go through it alone.

January and February can be the start of a busy time of new divorce filings. After this crazy, Covid quarantine year- even more so! Do you wonder why? As both a divorce professional and a divorced single mother, here’s some insight for this new year.

Have you been feeling overwhelmed during the holiday season, with the pandemic creating so many changes to holiday events and family gatherings, were you feeling the tension rise? The pull of family tradition vs facing the Covid danger of reunion, coupled with the fact that you may not really want to be with these people, can enhance your already conflicted feelings over a rocky relationship.

Being divorced myself, I vividly recall when all I really wanted to do was get my husband to communicate truthfully with me, without all the noise of the social and family world. But that didn’t happen, and I dutifully baked cookies with my daughter and made my signature pecan pies to bring to our smaller gatherings. I never really knew if he would be with me at these events or not, so I had some pat lines ready to cover his absence. Dodging conversations with assorted relatives about how things are going, when I really didn’t want to tell them the truth, was exhausting. Pretending was the modus operandi for the holiday season.

Is that the same for you? 

The new year brought me blessed relief from all the pretending that everything is fine. And I made New Year’s resolutions, the private ones that you don’t share with anyone else. Just looking at the words I wrote, seeing them in black and white, gave me some power I had given up:

I don’t want to live another year like this, unhappy and unfulfilled, insecure and small. I won’t give up my confidence anymore. I won’t live any more with lies, his to me and mine to myself. Our kids and me, we deserve better than this! I don’t know how to manage the money or the finances of the divorce- but I’ll get some help and move on!

Perhaps making this kind of resolution can empower you to action, too.

Here are 3 things you can do right now: 

1.) Think about: When was I excited to wake up each morning? What can I do to bring that back into my life? That can be your first resolution, whatever it may be.

2.) Have you gotten into the pattern where you feel you have to do everything yourself (like I did)? Resolve to ask for and receive help. Find the team that can help you do what you need to. It could be finding a handyman so all the honey-do’s get done without frustration or it might it be to find a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst to help get your finances in order as you consider divorce.

3.) People under stress often neglect their health, so you may end up feeling chronically tired and irritable. Resolve to take better care of yourself. Take small steps to improve your wellness regimen, just one or two things that you can succeed at: Take a walk outside every day, park a few rows farther away from the grocery store, take the stairs instead of the elevator, have an apple instead of ice cream for dessert. The new year is a great time to establish a newer, healthier regimen, and start feeling better so you can move forward with energy and confidence.

New Year. Fresh Start.

Flipping the calendar to a new page offers that hope of a fresh start, the courage to make a change. There’s a fresh new year out there, waiting for you to make it be what you really want. Taking action in January opens this up. A very wise friend told me, “Action is the Antidote to Fear”. Go for it!

And divorce professionals: Attorneys, mediators, therapists, and Certified Divorce Financial Analysts, like me, all gear up to help our clients create their new reality in the new year. To talk about your new year, just email at: adrienne@adriennegrace.com, or schedule a free Financial Clarity session with me at: www.calendly.com/contactAGrace and we’ll tackle it together.

All articles/blog posts are for informational purposes only, and do not constitute legal advice. If you require legal advice, retain a lawyer licensed in your jurisdiction. The opinions expressed are solely those of the author, who is not an attorney.

Take on a dream

Move out of an unfulfilling relationship

Lose weight

Gain control of finances

Get a divorce

And I’m all in favor of that. I believe in setting goals. After all, if you don’t know where you are going, it’s super hard to get there!

You’ve overcome some extraordinary things this year, and grown stronger in the process. I know that YOU’RE stronger and more powerful than you know.

I’m Adrienne Rothstein Grace, Certified Financial Planner (CFP®), Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA). I inspire women in divorce to overcome the overwhelm of the finances of divorce, so they can move on with ease, confidence and security.

Let’s take a moment, and consider your last year, 2020. You can take any challenges, heartache, conflict or “failures” from 2020 and turn them into fuel to propel you forward.

I invite you to consider these questions: 

• What were the greatest challenges or setbacks you overcame in this past year?
• What capacities within yourself did you tap into?
• How have you expanded or grown stronger through this process?

I invite you to take a moment to appreciate yourself for having succeeded and survived these new challenges

I invite you to acknowledge the grace, power, resilience, strength and courage it took you to surmount these circumstances.

Where do you see yourself at this time next year? Let’s work together to help you get there.

Because marriage is about love; divorce is about money, and you don’t have to go thru this alone.

I’d like to gift you a Financial Clarity session, to help outline what you’ll need to do financially to get where you want to go, and see if we can work together from there. Just click on the link below and we’ll talk soon.

https://calendly.com/contactagrace/financial-clarity-session

That’s the reason I chose this phrase for the title of my book, because it really describes the journey we take in divorce and afterwards.

I offer you the following, that has helped me and hundreds of my clients make this life-altering transition. I know I repeated these things to myself so many times during and after my own divorce. I found grounding and a path forward. You can, too.

He is not your problem. No matter what you think about him, he is not your problem. No matter what you feel about him, he is not your problem.

He is who he is, and he is going to do whatever he is going to do. You can’t change who he is and you can’t control what he does.

He is only your problem because you empower him to become your problem. You empower him by allowing him to push your buttons. You empower him to be your problem each time you react in a way that causes you to lose your focus and compromise your values.

He is not your problem because what he thinks about you, what he believes you deserve or how he feels about you is not relevant to anyone but him.

He is not your problem because he does not have the power to define success or failure for anyone but himself. He does not dictate how you define who you are, and how you will live your life.

Who he is, is not your problem unless you want him to be someone different. What he does is not your problem unless you are wishing and hoping that he does something differently. What he says to you or about you is not your problem unless you want him to say something different.

He may make you feel crazy, angry, sick, sad, resentful, fearful, insecure, disempowered, small and guilty. He may be unfair, nasty, vengeful or cold. He may be a problem but don’t make him your problem. That will only distract you from your real problems

Your real problem is how to conclude your divorce and move on with your life, separate from him. He’s not your problem. Your divorce is, and that’s a problem you can solve.

And you don’t have to do it alone.

Does this resonate with you? If you need some support to move forward in your divorce with confidence and clarity, just click here to schedule a free Financial Clarity session with me. We can outline some steps you can take now, and see if it’s a fit for us to work together to support you more. Schedule your free financial clarity session today at calendly.com/contactAGrace!

Do you even own an iron?  

Well, back a generation or two, ironing was the only way to make your clothes presentable from the wash.  Wrinkle-free fabric would not be invented for another 60 years or so.  (We have that story here.)

I remember my mother, and all the women of her generation, ironing my dad’s shirts, her shirtwaist dresses, my school clothes and my brother’s chinos, not to mention sheets and yes, even underwear. 

Sarah Boone was born a slave in North Carolina, and moved to New Haven, CT with her husband and eight children right before the start of the Civil War.  She made a living as a dressmaker, where ironing was a major part of her work.  

She was granted a patent for her invention, an ironing board that was shaped to allow ironing of sleeves, and the body of women’s dresses– not to mention men’s shirts.  Invented in 1892, it’s the same shape in use today.

It was genius, practical, useful and simple.

Thanks, Sarah, on behalf of my mother and thousands of women who kept their husbands and children looking fresh and well-dressed.