No one likes to think about not being alive anymore, or the process of dying — until sometimes it’s just right there. We can’t always see what lies ahead, and death comes to us all, often without warning.

People often think of writing a will, while we’re alive and in a position to do so.  That’s very important, in order to give directions about how we want our affairs handled when we’re gone.

But before that, one of the most important things we can do is to designate a health care proxy to ensure our wishes are carried out when we can’t speak for ourselves. A health care proxy is someone we designate to advocate for us in those medical and end-of-life decisions. It could be in case of incapacity or illness, or in an emergency situation, like my friend’s.

By designating a health care proxy, all the guesswork and anxiety about who can speak for you is relieved.

A health care proxy should be someone you can trust to advocate on your behalf when you can’t, someone who understands your end-of-life wishes.  This should include whether you want to be resuscitated if you cannot breathe on your own; whether you want your organs donated; in states where there are legal options for ending a person’s suffering, your proxy would be able to carry out your wishes.

A health care proxy also takes the guessing and guilt out of death:  No wondering or stress-filled hours if someone is designated as your voice when you cannot speak. He or she will know, without a doubt, what your wishes are and that they are fulfilling your plans.  This is a blessing and a kindness to yourself, your family and your friends as they’re going through a painful, difficult time.

Did you know that some states have established a chain of command for who’s legally able to make decisions about end-of-life care? The New York Family Health Care Decisions Act designates that a legal spouse can issue directives in the event their spouse cannot speak on his or her own behalf.  If a couple is not legally separated but was on the path to that action, and one partner falls seriously ill, their estranged partner can, in the eyes of the state, still decide what happens next.

The second person in line, if a legal spouse or partner is not an option, is a child over the age of 18, followed by a parent, then a sibling, or finally a close friend.

Other states have similar statutes in place.

None of us want our lives to end, but none of us want our loved ones to have to live with the guilt or uncertainty of worrying about whether they did the right thing.  Assigning a health care proxy eliminates that concern.

We may retire earlier than we think we will. Some of us envision leaving the workforce at “full” retirement age (66 or 67) so that we can receive “full” monthly Social Security benefits rather than slightly reduced monthly payments. Will that happen? It might not, according to data released this spring by the respected Employee Benefit Research Institute.

In EBRI’s most recent Retirement Confidence Survey, 21% of the respondents thought they would retire at age 65. Another 26% expected to retire at age 70 or later.

These expectations may not correspond with reality. In surveying current retirees, EBRI found that only 6% had worked into their seventies. Only 9% had retired at age 65. Sixty-five percent of the respondents had left work before age 65, up from 61% in EBRI’s 2010 survey.

We may see retirement as an extension of the present rather than the future. This is only natural, as we live in the present – but the present will not go on forever. Things change, and the costs we have to shoulder five or ten years from now may be greater than the expenses we face at the start of retirement. As many of us will likely be retired for 20 or 30 years, it becomes essential to take a long-term view of the retirement experience – which is why retirees may want to consider growth investing and long term care coverage.

Beyond that basic question, we need to think about insurance from a couple of other angles. Will we need long term care coverage? It seems to get more expensive each year, but as medicine and health care continue to advance and evolve, the possibility of a gradual rather than sudden death may increase. The wealthy may have the assets to contend with long term care costs, but the middle class rarely does. In Genworth’s 2015 Cost of Care Survey, the median annual cost for a semi-private room in a nursing home is $80,300. In California, it is $89,396; in Florida, $87,600.

Disability insurance and long term care coverage may prove more essential to retirement planning than many of us realize.

Age may catch up to us sooner rather than later. Generationally speaking, are we healthier than our parents and grandparents were? Anecdotally, it would seem so: we see people running 10Ks in their eighties, climbing mountains in their seventies, and so forth. Then again, we have diabetes and obesity plaguing American health.

We may be alone sooner than we assume. Many couples retire with a reasonable assumption that they will be together for some time – but something may happen to leave one spouse alone. As anyone who has ever lived alone realizes, a single person does not simply live on 50% of the income of a couple. Keeping up a house – or even a condo – could be arduous for an eighty-year-old man or woman. Driving is a concern. All this means that we may need someone or some group of people to care for us when our spouse is gone. Is that kind of support currently available? Could it be available twenty years from now? If not, what will take its place?

These are some of the blindspots that can surprise us in retirement. They may quickly affect our money and our quality of life. If we age with an awareness of them and recognize them in our retirement and estate planning, then we may be betterprepared when or if they emerge.

Q. How much long-term care coverage will I need?

A. Start with factoring that the average annual stay in a nursing home is nearly $96,000, and the average length of stay is about two years – then add to that time you may need in an assisted living facility – or in your own home. While everyone’s needs are different, understanding your own health and having a clear vision of where and how you want to spend your later years can help you be sure you are fully protecting yourself and your family.

Q. When should I start a policy?

A. This is an individual decision, based on many factors. Most people think about LTC insurance when they are close to retiring. Premiums are much lower for people in their 40s and 50s than for those over age 65. In addition, as people age, they are more likely to develop health conditions that may make them uninsurable. After age 60, premiums for LTC insurance begin to rise steeply.

Q. Why should I get long-term care insurance?

A. Most health insurance plans provide for in-hospital care, doctor visits and preventative healthcare needs. But, they may not cover many other health-related needs of older adults. Long term care costs, whether in your home, at assisted living or elsewhere are not covered by any health insurance plan, not even Medicaid.

Q. If I buy long-term care insurance will I be able to stay out of a nursing home?

A. Not necessarily – This is all dependent on the level of care you need. However, just over half of long-term care claims are for in-home care, with 30% in nursing homes and just under 20% of claims are for assisted living care. With the financial boost of long term care benefits, you are more likely to be able to better afford the costs involved in being at home.

Someone you love will pay for your long term care. Like it or not, women usually step up in families to do what’s needed. A wife, daughter or daughter-in-law will likely bear the major burden and make the sacrifices necessary to take care of you at a physical cost, or at the cost of employment/advancement. Your retirement funds and savings, designed to pay for your joint life time retirement, will likely become depleted,. So your survivor – wife or husband, will do without, because other than insurance, there is no way to provide for what you will likely need.

Knowing more is important. Get the information you need – not only for your parents’ care, but for yours as well. November is Long-Term Care Month – now is the time to arm yourself with knowledge.

There are options – Medicare or Medicaid, Self-Insurance, Long Term Care policies, or life insurance policies that are linked to long term care coverage. But how do you go about assessing whether you have the right coverage?

Here are some facts that can help you be more informed about choosing the coverage you need to assure that you can age the way you want and where you want – especially if that place is in your own sunny bedroom:

• The average length of long-term care claims is nearly four years
• Alzheimer’s is the leading cause of claims for those aged 65+ – average life expectancy of an Alzheimer’s diagnosis after age 65 is between 4 – 18 years
• Cancer is the leading cause of claims below age 65
• The average stay in an assisted living facility is over 2.5 years and nearly 2 years for nursing home stays
• The average monthly cost in a nursing home is nearly $10,000/month

November is Long Term Care month. If you are part of the 74% concerned about your care in future years – now is the time to explore your options for the right coverage and peace of mind. Aging is inevitable. Losing control of the life you have built is not.