Insurance

1. Apply for COBRA or other health insurance, if necessary
2. Change your insurance: auto and homeowner’s/renters from a joint policy to one for you, even if your address stays the same.
3. Draft and execute a new will, trust, power of attorney, living will and health care proxy.
4. Change the beneficiaries on your life insurance, 401k, pension and IRA (Roth and Traditional), 529 plans and any other accounts which have a beneficiary designation.
5. If purchase or maintenance of life insurance policies is mandated, follow up to ensure that it has been completed. Ask for proof, and set up an annual compliance procedure to be sure that policies stay in force with appropriate beneficiary designations

Assets:

6. Divide your assets- and debts- as agreed in the decree. You may need a financial advisor (CDFA) to help with this.
7. Change the locks and access codes and passwords on all secured items: real estate, vehicles, boats, safety deposit boxes, post office boxes, email, bank accounts, etc.
8. Remove your name, or your ex’s name from any joint accounts or mortgages. If the divorce decree requires a quitclaim or warranty deed, follow up until it is executed and recorded.  Your attorney may assist with the deed.  If refinancing is required, start the process as soon as possible.
9. Meet with a financial advisor (Certified Financial Planner, or Certified Divorce Financial Analyst) to put together a financial plan for your new future. If you had an advisor during your marriage, consider working with someone new, to avoid potential conflicts of interest.  Review investments received as a part of the settlement to determine if they are appropriate for your new circumstances.  Reallocate as needed, especially regarding Steps 16, 17, below.
10. If transfers of investment, retirement and savings accounts are included in your divorce settlement (IRA, Roth IRA, other accounts), follow up until the transfers are made into your own accounts. Your financial advisor can be very helpful in tracking this.
11. If a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (ODRO) is required to divide 401k, 403b, pensions, other retirement accounts, contact your attorney, or a QDRO specialist to have the order drafted and sent to the appropriate place(s). Follow up, or have your financial advisor help you follow up until the orders have been fulfilled and retirement funds have been transferred to your name.
12. Hire a new CPA or tax preparer to help with your tax return. Review and adjust your withholding allowances to reflect your new filing status, income level, payment or receipt of maintenance, etc.
13. If you or your spouse is age 70 or over, recalculate your Required Minimum Distribution.

Budgeting, Banking and Credit

14. Review your income and expenses. Update or create your budget to live within your means, or determine how much additional income you need and what you need to do to earn it.

1. Open a checking and savings account in your own name, if you don’t already have one.
2. Establish a credit card in your own name, if you don’t already have one.  Use it wisely!
3. Set up direct deposit or automatic transfer for payment or receipt of child support and maintenance.

Congratulations!  Your transition is underway.  You are several steps farther along your path to empowering yourself, financially.

Even after the judgement is entered, there are many things you must do to be certain that the financial and legal aspects of your life are in order for this next phase of your life.  Review your settlement document carefully.  You don’t want to miss any one of these important actions.

Use this checklist to help wrap important follow-up items after your divorce is final. Not every item may apply to you, but there are likely several for you to take care of.

Documents and Titles

1. Get a copy of the certified divorce decree; make extra copies and store in a safe place. Keep your marriage certificate (original or a certified copy), as well.
2. If you intend to change your name, don’t forget these places:
   1. Driver’s license, car title and registration
   2. Social security card
   3. IRS records
   4. Life, health, disability insurance
   5. Employer records
   6. Credit cards
   7. Bank, brokerage and investment accounts
   8. Professional licenses
   9. Title to real property
   10. Utility bills
   11. Passport
3. You and your ex-spouse will need to determine who will hold the originals of important documents, such as children’s passports, birth certificates, medical records, religious documents, photographs, videos, keepsakes. One of you can keep the original, but the other should have a copy.
4. If your divorce decree requires the transfer of title to cars, motorcycles, or boats, prepare, sign and deliver the necessary documents to complete the transfer. (Don’t forget Step 8, about insurance on those items).
5. Close any joint credit accounts: credit cards, department store charges.
6. Once joint accounts are closed, order a copy of your credit report, to ensure that changes have been made, and there are no unauthorized charges

The question always rises: “How can I get through this in the easiest way?” I am not suggesting that divorce could ever really be considered “easy.” But there are resources to help you get through the process in a less stressful and more focused manner.

Supporting yourself with a team of professionals who will guide you through the process to help you achieve the best outcome for today and your future is one of the smartest things you can do at this juncture. One member of the team- a neutral financial professional- can help both of you achieve a fair and equitable financial settlement. Certified Divorce Financial Analysts (CDFA^TM) are trained in the fundamentals of divorce and finance and have extensive experience in meeting the special needs of divorcing couples.  Knowledge of financial planning concepts and divorce financial issues enable your CDFA to provide you with a structure and a process to help you to design your optimal financial settlement.

There are so many things to consider when trying to fairly divide your assets and debts, find ways to live within your new means, and develop your financial future. A CDFA can work simultaneously with both of you. They help you gather the necessary financial information to help you understand your economic situation and help to provide a structure and process for you both to discuss your concerns, with your questions heard and dealt with respectfully.

It is common in most relationships for one of you to be more financially savvy than the other. That person usually handled the financial matters for both of you. Often couples request that the less financially savvy spouse receive additional assistance to help bring them “up-to-speed.” By helping the “non-financial” spouse to be better informed and confident on financial issues, informed decisions can be made, and the process can move forward more easily.

A neutral financial specialist is cost-effective for you in several ways. First, only one professional may be needed – not one for each of you. Second, the initial process often takes place without attorneys present, saving their hourly costs. Most importantly, they provide focused financial expertise that often results in creative and effective financial solutions. They are trained and experienced in researching and analyzing personal, business and tax issues in divorce.

With the right professional expertise, working in Collaborative process can help you to take some of the stress out of your divorce, and help to make your process more successful emotionally and financially.

During a Collaborative Divorce, you and your spouse each hire a separate attorney who has been trained in the Collaborative process. The role of the attorneys in a Collaborative Divorce is quite different than in a ‘Court’ divorce: the goal is to reach agreement, not to go to trial and ‘fight’.  You will meet with your attorney separately and then you and your attorney will also meet together with your spouse and her attorney for all settlement discussions/negotiations. The Collaborative process may also involve other neutral professionals, such as a divorce financial planner, who will help both of you work through financial issues and a coach or therapist, who can help guide you through child custody and other emotionally charged issues.

You, your spouse, your attorneys and consultants brought into the Collaboration, must all sign an agreement that requires all participants to withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if litigation is threatened. If this happens, you must start all over again and find new attorneys. Neither party can use the same attorneys or consultants again. This protects the confidentiality of the process, but also underscores the need to be committed to reaching a fair settlement out of Court. Each spouse agrees to voluntarily disclose the details of their financial position, business assets, etc. If there is a lack of trust, or doubt about the truthfulness of these disclosures, the Collaborative process may not be right for you.  We still believe in: Trust, but verify.

As with Mediation, if the Collaborative Process is successful, you will usually not have to appear in Court.  Your attorney will submit the papers to enable a Judge to incorporate the agreement into the Judgement/Decree of Divorce. These processes, referred to as Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR), can be much quicker and less expensive than traditional litigation. Each spouse’s issues can be heard and acted upon, so there is the possibility of a more cooperative relationship moving forward, especially important for your children.

I do caution my clients on when NOT to use a collaborative (or mediated) divorce. Be sure to support yourself with a full divorce team of specialists if:

• You suspect your spouse is and will continue to hide assets/income.
• Your spouse is domineering, and you’re afraid to voice your opinions.
• There is a history or threat of domestic violence (physical and/or mental) towards you and/or your children.
• You and/or your spouse have a drug/alcohol addiction.

Have you started to ask yourself, or others any of these questions?

• Can my marriage be saved?
• What does the process of couples therapy look like?
• How do I cope with the emotions of the divorce process?
• What about the kids?
• How do we divide our property?
• What will taxes look like after divorce?
• How do I start the process?
• What if we don’t want attorneys?

Divorce is one of the most challenging decisions you will ever make, but you don’t have to do it alone. A local workshop has been created to help women contemplate taking this step, no matter where you are in the process. It provides unbiased information to help you understand all of your options, deal with your emotions, and move forward with your life.

Discover community resources available to help you through this difficult process.

Second Saturday was founded in 1988 by the non-profit WIFE.org, Women’s Institute for Financial Education. The organization has raised hundreds of thousands of dollars in scholarships and programs to help women become financially independent.

It’s not about what you already know – it’s about what you need to learn. Second Saturday offers information about the legal, financial, family and emotional issues of divorce in a logical, yet compassionate way.

With the guidance of trained professionals, workshop participants gain greater understanding of the confusing and challenging divorce process. You will hear from seasoned professionals who will answer key questions and provide critical information to guide you through your process.

’t let the opportunity to learn go by, whether for you – a friend – or a family member. https://secondsaturdaysempowerment.eventbrite.com

She lamented about all the decisions she needed to make. And then, likely motivated by the fears we all share, uttered the words – “We’re considering getting divorce on our own – no lawyers.” The experienced side of me wanted to rush to her side and advise her, but given the social environment, I knew it would be better to write her a note. For those of you who might consider a “Do it Yourself Divorce,” here is that note that I wrote to “Paula.” Share it as you wish.

Dear Paula, I wanted to take a moment and reach out to you with support – as a women who has been divorced, and as a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst – my heart is heavy for you tonight.   Although I promise that in the end you will find empowerment and purpose like never before, there is so much you need to go through to get there. But I am getting ahead of myself.

I could not help but think about your news that you and your husband were considering a do-it-yourself-divorce. First, I want to applaud you on your optimism and your strength in meeting this challenging time head-on. Your spirit is to be admired. But, dear Paula, as your friend I feel compelled to warn you, better yet – to jump up and down and stamp my in an attempt to stop you from making what could be a very terrible mistake.

Paula, you are a smart, well-educated, successful mother of three with a future that needs to be protected. Why not take that intelligence and initiative and pull together your divorce team to help to make certain that the settlement you secure is good for you now-and also in the future, as well?

A do-it-yourself divorce might seem attractive with less acrimony and less expense, but in the end, statistically speaking – a do-it-yourself divorce is likely to yield a less positive outcome for you that may not serve you in the future.

Here’s why I would not recommend you proceed without the support of a fully engaged divorce team:

• If you make a “mistake,” it can be irreversible and very costly. Once done, the divorce is There are no divorce settlement do-overs. You don’t know- what you don’t know.
• You are getting divorced for a reason – there are some irreconcilable differences between you and your husband. Often, in divorce planning, WE turns into ME.  Why do you think that you can sit down together and develop a plan that suits the both of you equally well? 
• Divorce has complications you haven’t even realized yet – whether in the future of your children and their education, or tax consequences of settlement options, or retirement savings. Have you thought about the fact that because you took five years away from your career to be at home with your children, that limited your income potential? It also reduced your social security contributions, and because you and your husband will be married less than ten years you will not be able to receive social security benefits based on his earnings. How will you make up for that in your settlement?
• Do you truly understand the differences between alimony and child support when it comes to income tax? Or when you consider future relationships? You are a young, vivacious and interesting woman – you will love again. But at what (financial) cost?
• Your middle child – your daughter – how will you secure her future, given her learning disability? At this point we are all unsure of how she will continue to grow and what her needs will be down the road. How will you plan for that?

My dearest Paula, be the smart, empowered, successful woman you are and use the resources at your fingertips. It’s not about whether or not you and you husband will have differing opinions – you will – it’s about how you take your opinions and use them to secure your future.   

Discover community resources available to help you through this difficult process.

Second Saturday was founded in 1988 by the non-profit WIFE.org, Women’s Institute for Financial Education. The organization has raised hundreds of thousands of dollars in scholarships and programs to help women become financially independent.

It’s not about what you already know – it’s about what you need to learn. Second Saturday offers information about the legal, financial, family and emotional issues of divorce in a logical, yet compassionate way.

With the guidance of trained professionals, workshop participants gain greater understanding of the confusing and challenging divorce process. You will hear from seasoned professionals who will answer key questions  and provide critical information to guide you through your process.

Paul D Pearson, Attorney/Mediator.

Paul has been a Family Law, Matrimonial and personal lawyer for over 40 years.  He is a trained and experienced Mediator and Arbitrator, primarily in family law, estates and fee disputes. He has taught and written extensively on the interface of law and mental health.  He has been a leader in the development of interdisciplinary and Alternative Dispute Resolution processes in WNY, and is a past-president of the Collaborative Law Professionals of WNY (divorce-buffalo.com).  Paul is dedicated to enhancing non-litigation alternatives in  resolving divorce, personal and family disputes. He has been a fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers for 40 years.

Dr. Darci Cramer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for over 20 years, and currently in private practice in Williamsville. She provides counseling for a range of individual, couple, and family issues, including infidelity, divorce, child behavior problems, parenting and co-parenting kids from birth through adolescence, anxiety, depression, and sexuality. She also talks with couples when things are going well, to help them keep it that way. Before starting her private practice, she worked for 11 years with families at The Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Clinic of Women and Children’s Hospital of Buffalo.

She hosts a weekly radio show on WBEN NewsRadio 930 called Your Family Matters, during which she takes callers’ questions about relationships and talks about topics of interest to families.

Adrienne Rothstein Grace, CFP®, CLTC, CDFA Certified Divorce Financial Analyst

Adrienne Rothstein Grace brings 30 years of financial advisory experience to clients in transition. Whether that transition is in marital status, household partners, job change or elder year planning, Adrienne’s holistic approach to financial transition planning guides clients through prudent preparation as well as rebuilding. With a measured approach to growth and preservation of assets, Adrienne works closely with her clients to develop a sound, comprehensive plan, created for each individual in transition. Adrienne’s focus is to help clients navigate their transition eliminating financial pitfalls.

Don’t let the opportunity to learn go by, whether for you – a friend – or a family member. https://secondsaturdaysempowerment.eventbrite.com