A view of the ancient city of Toledo, Spain, spread out like a page from a storybook, seen from our hotel window. A lifelong dream to tour Spain-realized with my month-long vacation last fall.

Me? Take a month-long vacation? Not possible, I told myself for a long time. I’m self-employed. I’ve never been anywhere for a whole month. My clients need me. I do speak Spanish, but to be away for that long? Yadda yadda yadda. All the reasons why I couldn’t possibly.
But I’ll confess, I actually do take my own advice sometimes! And the advice I took years ago was to save. I save 10% from every paycheck. That’s MY money. Not for bills, not for the house, not for anything, really, just to have for FREEDOM. And it’s my freedom money that enabled this trip.

A 7 day tour with an alumni group in Catalonia, 90 minutes north of Barcelona with my ‘significant other’, followed by another week or so of travelling on our own to Pamplona and Madrid. And then he went home, and I had the extra gift of 10 days travelling in Spain with my adult daughter in Madrid, Toledo, Granada.

I/we visited so many of the places I’ve studied throughout my life, as a Spanish speaker, a Spanish major in college, and a Spanish teacher (junior high and college) before I became a financial professional. Truly a lifelong ambition, the top item on my ‘bucket list’. And I did it.

With the power of intention- Yes, I can! And the power of saving. When I started my freedom account, I didn’t have any specific thing in mind. Maybe you will- whatever you dream of: travel? Buying a house? A musical instrument with lessons to learn to play? A friend of mine has a ‘tummy-tuck fund’. Whatever you want can be possible with those two things: An intention, and enough money to fund your dream.

Is it selfish to put aside some money for yourself? Maybe. And maybe we need to revisit the definition of ‘selfish’. Taking care of ‘self’ is not a bad thing, not something to feel guilty about. But that’s a story for another time…

For now- I invite you to start saving. It doesn’t have to be much, but it helps if it’s regular. Something from every paycheck, every week/biweekly/monthly. In an account with just your name on it.

Start now- and see where it takes you when you are ready. The results can be amazing! In Spanish, Maravilloso!

Let’s create a Financial Freedom Plan with YOU at the center! Schedule your free Financial Clarity session today so we can help YOU create a financial freedom plan – www.calendly.com/ContactAGrace

And we grew up with the dream that a knight in shining armor, our very own Prince Charming, would come to our rescue and off we would go to ‘happily ever after’.

Well, I can tell you that the ‘happily ever’ I imagined didn’t include a mortgage payment, cleaning up dog poop, becoming the primary wage earner, or a husband who broke my heart.

I began to ask, so- what happened to Sleeping Beauty’s kingdom? Or Snow White’s?

Then came the new Disney princesses: Moana, Elsa, Belle, Ariel. They are cut from a different cloth. They are independent, brave, and they take a stand for themselves and their families. They take risks, and make very different choices than their fairy tale mothers. These princesses don’t always come from loving, intact families, but perhaps that breeds in them a sense of adventure and a need to prove themselves.

So- did you start out like Snow White, singing, ‘Some Day My Prince will Come’- but now realizing that you’ve been cooped up with him for long months during COVID-19 and that dream is done?

Are you feeling more like Moana? Are you ready to take a stand and (re)discover your own goddess within…reclaiming your own heart?

Is it time to go?

I’ve been both divorced and widowed. I’ve walked this path. If your divorce is not a burden but a blessing, let’s work on it together.
Confused? Anxious? Frightened? Hurt? Resentful? Angry? All of the above? I know how it feels, and I can help.

Moana sings:

I have crossed the horizon to find you.
I know your name.
They have stolen the heart from inside you.
But this does not define you.
This is not who you are.
You know who you are.

I apologize, Disney. This part you got right.

Contact me at adrienne@adriennegrace.com or www.calendly.com/contactAGrace for a free Financial Discovery session and we’ll get you started on a path to your next chapter.

Remember, Marriage is about love; Divorce is about money. Don’t go through it alone.

For divorced moms, the newly separated or those going through their first Mother’s Day without a spouse, it can be a challenging day to navigate. We’re here to help you take charge and treat yourself to a day that makes you feel empowered, pampered and fulfilled!

Here are a few tips to help you give Mother’s Day a new meaning and realign expectations as you navigate this new season:

1. It’s ok if the kids aren’t with you.

If Mother’s Day happens to fall on a weekend where your children are supposed to be with your former spouse, don’t panic! It’s understandable and acceptable to be sad or frustrated, but take a deep breath and remember: It’s just one day. Pick another day with your children and decide that will be your very special Mother’s Day with them this year. Start making special plans as soon as you determine you will not be together so that you have something fun to look forward to. Do you want to have a picnic in the park and play games? Do you want to go shopping? Go to a movie? Or would you rather have a nice day at home, just hanging out? It’ll be your day, your way, so fill it will all the special things that will make you feel your best!

2. Treat yourself!

Mother’s Day is all about you. You work so hard to help your children, make sure they’re doing well in school and that their home is filled with love and comfort. Now it’s time to take care of you! Book a spa day or massage. Get a manicure. Tell the kids earlier in the week that you’d like for them to cook for you, if they’re old enough. Buy some beautiful flowers for your table or a new addition for your garden. Whether big or small, find some way to do something nice, just for you, just for today.

3. Take a time out.

This is especially important if you’re newly divorced or separated from your spouse. The first Mother’s Day as a single mother without an in-house partner can be emotionally charged. Find some time in the day to have a moment to yourself to reflect. Whether that’s going out for coffee, taking a walk or finding some quiet time to just breathe and meditate, find a way to get some air and clear your mind. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your successes and victories. Focus on the wonderful blessings you have and don’t spend the day dwelling on the things you lack.

4. Be clear about your expectations.

If you want breakfast in bed, buy the ingredients, leave the recipe out on the counter and tell your children, that you’d love (and appreciate) them making a meal for you. If you want time alone, tell them you’re having some “quite time” and you should not be disturbed during a certain time unless there’s an emergency. If you want a hand-made card, set out the construction paper, glue, markers and stickers. You can express to your children that this is important to you and why: You work hard to make them happy and they can make you equally happy by providing a special handmade gift for you. It’s perfectly acceptable to ask for things. If you want a purchased gift, provide a “wish list” and a budget, then take your kids to the mall or local boutique and let them do the selecting.

5. Make it a group holiday.

If you know other divorced mothers in the same situation, why not bring them together for a special brunch? Each family can be responsible for a dish so the work is shared, or make reservations at a favorite place and spend the time telling stories. Make a point of telling the other mothers what you respect about them and what you enjoy about their children – that’s a gift any mother would love on any day, but especially on Mother’s Day.

Note: If you’re reading this blog post during the time of the Covid-19 pandemic, you can easily adjust some of these tips to be make your Mother’s day just as special – If your children are at your ex-spouses house why not set up a time to connect on FaceTime or Zoom with your with other divorced moms or extended family. You can also plan to go on a socially distanced walk at a local park or support local boutiques and restaurants with order pick up to make the day uniquely, special!

Avoid the common mistakes most women make about money, especially when they are in crisis- divorce, widowed, etc.  Schedule a free consultation with me at Calendly.com/contactagrace; or call me at 716-817-6425.

In these cynical times, when so many have lost confidence in the integrity of our representatives, and even of the process itself, it’s amazing to realize how much power there is in one vote.  There have been several elections recently when less than 1% of the votes cast made the difference between candidates.

So please don’t let the current atmosphere of division and conflict prevent you from exercising this hard-won right to cast your vote.

In the Presidential election of 2016, about 55% of voting age citizens cast ballots.

That measure of turnout is the lowest in a presidential election since 1996, when 53.5% of voting-age citizens turned out.

72% of women citizens in the US were registered to vote in the 2016 election.  22.5% of them reported that they did not vote.

Regardless of how you identify politically, consider that those 22.5% of women who did not vote- could have changed the outcome of the election.

Do  you have a passion for public service?  Do you have a point of view that’s not well-represented?  Are you interested in stepping up to represent your neighbors? Consider running for public office- local, state or national. Do you know a woman in your life who would be great in public leadership?   Nominate her to run today.

Check out the website, sheshouldrun.org.

She Should Run provides women with the encouragement and resources they need to run for office. They have an Ask a Woman to Run tool, to help her get started on a path to public office.

Women’s Equality Day is August 26.  Even more important, National Register to Vote Day is September 25, 2018.  Take hold of the right we fought for, and won, as women.  Register and Vote!

Every July 4 brings big parties, skies filled with fireworks, crowds singing and Americans taking a moment to think about their freedom.

For those going through a divorce, or whose divorce is in the rearview mirror, it can be a time to take stock of your progress on the road to crafting a new life.

The country’s Founding Fathers fought for the right to self-govern, to create and enforce laws that fit their idea of fairness and justice and to bring to reality a country that they felt was better than the oppressive regime they left behind.

Were there elements of your marriage that left you feeling like one of the early colonists: always answering to someone who was absent or controlling? Did you need to justify your spending to someone else who controlled the budget? Were you, in any way, punished for wanting to exercise a little independence?

When going through a divorce, it can be difficult to re-learn how to think about yourself as an independent person instead of part of a couple.

Before your marriage, you were an individual person. You answered to yourself, made your own choices, took your own path. After marriage, even if there are children to consider and prioritize, you get to be that independent person again.

Take stock of your old interests and hobbies. Have any of them fallen by the wayside? Take today to embrace your freedom to pick them up again.

Go through old letters or messages from friends. You’re now free again to involve them to a greater extent in your life.

Were there places you wanted to visit, museums you wanted to see, or things your children wanted to do but trips were never taken because your former spouse didn’t want to go or refused to support? You’re now free to fulfill those wishes.

A simpler pleasure: Is there a favorite song that you’ve always loved but didn’t feel free to listen to on full blast, singing at the top of your lungs? Guess what – you’re now free to do just that. Why not have a little karaoke party with the kids?

If the ink is still fresh on your divorce papers, it’s okay to take a little time before declaring your new independence in the world.  But you might, in the future, want to consider the day your divorce was final as your own, special independence day. You might event want to celebrate it in some way, with a special meal or a little treat just for you. You deserve it.

And let’s be honest: ending a relationship can be scary. Standing on your own when you’ve been part of a pair, especially if the relationship lasted a few decades, is intimidating. It will likely feel as though the whole world has changed. In truth, it has – but so have you. You’ve grown as a person, as a parent, as a member of society. Your priorities have changed. Your values might be different. You might even register for a different political party now than you did when you were 20.

All of that is part of life. That’s all part of your story as a person. And it’s wonderful!

Take a moment to consider some of the language in the Declaration of Independence, that glorious document that shouted to the world that the United States was going to make it on its own: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Declare your freedom and independence from a marriage that didn’t work out. Reclaim your ability to self-govern. Stake your claim to a happier future, free from oppression and tyranny, from criticism and judgment. Revel in your independence as you set out to draft your own future, of yourself, by yourself and for yourself.

You don’t have to do this alone. Contact me for help in celebrating your Independence Day at adrienne@adriennegrace.com