Do you even own an iron?  

Well, back a generation or two, ironing was the only way to make your clothes presentable from the wash.  Wrinkle-free fabric would not be invented for another 60 years or so.  (We have that story here.)

I remember my mother, and all the women of her generation, ironing my dad’s shirts, her shirtwaist dresses, my school clothes and my brother’s chinos, not to mention sheets and yes, even underwear. 

Sarah Boone was born a slave in North Carolina, and moved to New Haven, CT with her husband and eight children right before the start of the Civil War.  She made a living as a dressmaker, where ironing was a major part of her work.  

She was granted a patent for her invention, an ironing board that was shaped to allow ironing of sleeves, and the body of women’s dresses– not to mention men’s shirts.  Invented in 1892, it’s the same shape in use today.

It was genius, practical, useful and simple.

Thanks, Sarah, on behalf of my mother and thousands of women who kept their husbands and children looking fresh and well-dressed.

Harley Earl, VP of Design for GM, hired a group of women industrial designers to work on Chevrolet, Buick, Cadillac, Oldsmobile and Pontiac cars.

Their ranks included Suzanne Vanderbilt, Ruth Glennie, Marjorie Ford Pohlman, Jeanette Linder, Sandra Longyear and Peggy Sauer, who worked in GM’s automotive interior-design departments.  

There they worked on every interior element (seats, doors, trim, detailing, color and fabrics) except the instrument panel, which was deemed off limits to women. 

The other four damsels — Jan Krebs, Dagmar Arnold, Gere Kavanaugh and Jayne Van Alstyne — worked as industrial designers for GM-owned Frigidaire, where they helped create the 1956 Kitchen of Tomorrow.

Thank you ladies, for your visions of the future that we now take for granted.

The next step is to start planning what the future looks like. Talk about what you each see and expect out of the next few decades.

• How do you want to split expenses? Do you deposit all funds into a joint account and then pay everything from that?  Some people prefer 50/50 even if one person makes more money. Others divide expenses based on income. Some couples even work out more creative solutions, such as: One person pays all the living expenses while the other does the saving and paying for extras, like vacations and concerts.  Figure out what works in your relationship that won’t lead to misunderstandings or conflicts.
• Do you want joint savings and/or checking accounts? Depending on how you share expenses, you may want to share savings and checking accounts, too. Create some infrastructure that helps you reach your goals. For example, a joint savings account for your dream home that each of you automatically pays into each month. Or, if you share groceries and other living expenses, you might create a checking account for those expenses, so you don’t have to keep a ledger. The more you can set and forget, the easier achieving joint goals may be.  Make certain that you talk about this on your Money Dates, so that one partner doesn’t overdraw, due to poor communication. 
• Talk contingency plans such as creating a nest egg for emergencies,  life insurance, and other safety nets. It’s a good rule of thumb to start with savings that can cover expenses  for three to six months.
• Are you interested in buying a home together? What kind of house?  How much would it cost?  Can you save up for a down payment?  Making a plan together and writing it down can help you reach that goal.
• Talk about kids and aging relatives. As a couple, you should discuss future  expenses and any expectations you have about future responsibilities before it becomes an issue. From preschool, private school and college to eldercare, there are lots of expenses that come with dependents and should be considered in your long-term planning.
• What does retirement look like for you as a couple? Discuss what retirement looks like for you.  How much income will you need? Have either of you started to save in an IRA or 401(k) plan? Did you know that 60 percent of couples and almost half of Boomers don’t have any idea how much their Social Security benefit might be?3 The information is readily available on the Social Security website if you want to start factoring that into your retirement plans.

Celebrate successes 

There will be struggles and wins on your path to financial security. Talk about how  you want to celebrate the milestones you receive. Do you want to throw a party to celebrate making the last payment on your student loans? A family night out when your emergency savings account hits its target? Recognize your successes, and make it fun.

What was once an uncomfortable topic can become the glue that binds your relationship together. Communicating about the future you want to build together can be fun! So, when are you planning your Money Date?

For more ideas on how to manage your finances, call me at 716.817.6425 and we’ll tackle this together.

If you’d like to discuss any of these helpful tips, schedule a Financial Clarity session with me at www.calendly.com/contactAGrace.

Our creativity knows no bounds, whether it involves practical matters or just having fun! 

Here’s some information about women who changed things up for all of us.

Alice H. Parker’s invention was on the practical side, and we are appreciating it enthusiastically during this cold winter.  

She was born  in New Jersey in 1895 and educated at Howard University.  When she was only 24, she was granted a patent on her furnace.  It was the first to use central heating and incorporate air ducts that allowed for heat to be dispersed to a wider area.  It ran on natural gas, safer and cleaner than burning firewood, even back then.  

Her invention is the precursor to today’s zoned heating in our homes and buildings.

She was able to accomplish this in a time even before women were granted the right to vote.

Thanks to Alice for helping to keep us warm.

Now that you’ve opened up about money with each other, it’s time to take a closer look. If you keep your finances separate, before you get together to discuss finances as a couple, check out what’s going on with your own. Ask your partner to do the same prep work, so you both can come to the table with up-to-date information.

You can do this.  It’s helpful to know that your partner is tackling this, too.  If you hold your accounts jointly, decide who will gather up the documents, or do it together.

• Start by writing down all of your debts: student loans, credit cards, car payments, etc. Be sure to include the APR (interest and fees) on all of them. Tip: Sometimes your credit card APR is on the last pages of your statement, so don’t worry if it doesn’t jump out at you when you check. Don’t edit to spare your feelings.  Truth.
• Then log all of your income, even if your spouse is the primary wage-earner. If you are paid a set salary this is easy.  If you work freelance, hourly or multiple jobs, or have a side hustle, look back over the last 12–18 months.  List each month individually. This can help you identify cycles/trends in your income as well as the average monthly amount.
• Don’t forget savings, life insurance, child support, 401K, etc.

Set your Money Date to review the financial work you’ve prepared.

Pick a comfortable time and place, free from distractions. Perhaps a local coffee shop, or this might be better spread  out on the dining room table. If you have kids, get a sitter or if they are young, after they’ve gone to bed. And make this a no cell phone, no tv  time.

Be open and non-judgmental

Create a judgment-free zone and bring an open mind. Nearly 38 percent of couples were only somewhat or not at all aware of their significant other’s debts or income! So you’re not alone if there are surprises here.

Start with now, then plan for later

This Money Date is about where each of you is, individually. If you already have common assets, that can be a part of the discussion too, but stay focused on the present more than the future. This an appraisal of now.  Once you know where you stand, then set a separate date for planning your future. Try scheduling a monthly Money Date until you get comfortable. Then you can move to quarterly, or even yearly goal setting getaways, if that makes sense. Tax time is a natural, as the yearly summaries come in.

Reward yourselves afterward

Money Dates can be a bit of work, and they can be stressful.  Unexpected emotional issues can arise; Important insights appear into each other, and maybe some tension, as well.  So try to plan something fun to do together after your Money Date business is complete. Grab a glass of wine, go for a drive, see a funny movie, get some ice cream.  Rewarding yourselves by creating a fun ritual may actually get you excited for all your future Money Dates.

If you’d like to discuss any of these helpful tips, schedule a Financial Clarity session with me at www.calendly.com/contactAGrace.

Write up a brief history of your relationship with money for your partner. Think through the issues above.  What are some of your biggest financial fears or expectations? What are your short-term and long-term financial goals?

Choose a quiet place for this date, where you can share your feelings and fears.  A quiet spot in your own home, with a bottle of wine and lots of pillows- that may be where you bring out these thoughts. Perhaps you start with a walk in the park, and then settle down at a picnic table to talk. Deep feelings can surface- and that’s what we want to share.   Anywhere you can talk, share, feel and express those feelings comfortably will do nicely.

Most people don’t take the time or maybe don’t have the courage to look closely at their feelings about money.  Human beings created the concept of money, and then many of us let it rule our lives. You can take control, and build a strong and resilient relationship with your partner, harnessing its power.  This is financial intimacy. This can help cement your love into the foundation you can build your relationship on, honest and strong. 

Enjoy these moments.  

And then tune in for: Money Date: A New Look at Finance and Romance. Part Three.

If you’d like to discuss any of these helpful tips, schedule a Financial Clarity session with me at www.calendly.com/contactAGrace.

How well do you and your partner communicate about money? 

Fidelity Investments did a Couples Retirement Study in 2015 with some startling results.  Although a majority of couples said that they communicate exceptionally or very well about finances, almost half couldn’t identify how much their partner earns.  Ten percent of couples were off by $25,000 or more!

Did you know that one in three Americans admits to lying to their spouses about money, men and women equally?

A Money Date may not set the same romantic mood, but may well be more effective in keeping you and your partner together than all the red wine, flowers and chocolate sold for Valentine’s Day.  (Well, maybe not the chocolate). Just like in your romantic relationship, regular, honest communication and understanding cement a strong financial foundation that can bind you together, come what may.

For this first one, talk about your shared goals.  This is just as important when you’re getting serious with a new partner, if you’re planning to move in together, if you are newlyweds, or even if you’ve been married for years.  Goals change, people change.  What do you want in your future?  A new home? Children? A new car? Travel? A big anniversary celebration?  Retirement?

Wherever you are in life’s journey, sharing your goals and dreams with your partner is part of what makes a relationship and a marriage meaningful.  Once you’ve shared your dreams, put some specifics in. How much does your new car cost? Will you need to take a loan to buy it? What’s the cost of a new home?  A new mortgage? If children’s education is on your list, how long do you have to save? Are you thinking of retirement? When? Where?  

When you move from dreamtime to practical application- that’s when you call in your financial planner, to help you put dollar applications to your goals, and make a plan to move forward to achieve them.

What’s next?

Stay tuned for Money Date #2- Where do we stand? How to get a solid picture of your financial situation now, to be able to realize your goals and dreams in the future. 

If you’d like to discuss any of these helpful tips, schedule a Financial Clarity session with me at www.calendly.com/contactAGrace.

 Whether you’re ready to move forward or still trying to heal from the disruption of the chaotic year that was, a new calendar means a new start. It’s an opportunity to make this year better than the last. 

Some ideas for making this New Year better than the last: 

• The past is over. Leave it there.The symbolic flipping of a page on the calendar from one year to the next is worth noting. What did you learn from the events of the past year? What can you do differently this year, for a better outcome?  What changes do you want to make?

• Take the time to learn, understand and gain control of your finances. Does the thought of this scare you?  We understand. Take a deep breath and move past it.  Do you run out of money before you run out of month? Are the checkbook and investment portfolio handled by your (possibly) soon-to-be-ex?  As the new year begins, start to familiarize yourself with the finances of your marriage. How much do you make? How much do you spend? Does the investment account statement make any sense at all?  Do you have a lot of debt? Stressful? It can be. But it’s so much better to know where you stand so you can make informed decisions when you need to. You don’t have to do this alone. Work with a financial advisor or Certified Divorce Financial Analyst to see what you may need to do to get on a solid financial footing.  If you plan changes, this will be critical.

• Keep a journal. There’s something so powerful about writing important things down.   Sometimes, just writing down feelings can help you clear anger, resentment and other negativity.    Did you ever keep a diary or journal? Mine as a child was pink and had a lock that was more for show than security. Now I choose beautiful journals with handmade paper, or just a notebook with a cover I like.  Doesn’t matter. It’s a great practice for clearing your head and working through problems. Keeping a journal is a safe, private way to be honest while moving forward. Going through my own divorce, I can’t count the number of nights when I couldn’t sleep, my brain racing with doubts and fears that I couldn’t share with  my young daughter. Writing all that out brought some solace, and some sleep, as well.

• Set goals and Write them Down.  Yes, journaling again. Oddly enough, the same system of journaling or keeping a diary works just as well for goal setting and achievement.  Despite our continual use of laptops, iPads and cellphones, there is still something impactful about picking up a pen and putting words on paper.  There’s brain science that confirms that a goal that you set in vivid and careful detail, so clear that someone else reading it would know exactly what you want, is better retained in your memory.  When you remember it- you can act on it. Take some time to create your goals, for this new year, for five years, or longer.  When you decide what inspires you, describe it in vividly, cut out pictures that show it, and post them in places you can easily see. Craft the steps you need to achieve these goals, and note  your progress regularly in your journal. Go for it!

• Try something new. Whether it’s deciding to finally separate, date again, take a trip, face a fear or move to a new place, be bold and try something you wouldn’t have done before. Push the boundaries of your comfort zone! It’s also a way to assert control over your life again and do something the “old” you might not have done.  Start the new year with something you have always wanted to do — but didn’t because of your spouse. This is YOUR year!

If you’d like to discuss any of these helpful tips, schedule a Financial Clarity session with me at www.calendly.com/contactAGrace.

Clients with ‘late blooming relationships’, whether following divorce or widowhood, have a new set of choices to make.  Should we marry, or continue our relationship less formally? I know, for many of you some less-than-wonderful terms from the past for these relationships come to mind- but let’s let them go.  Those were for different times, different people. This is about YOU.

You’ll need to talk with your families, and perhaps deal with religious issues, but let’s think about the financial impact of the decision.  There are multiple impacts, and you need the best financial and legal advice, to help you decide.

Talk to your honey about money.  If you are already living together, I hope you have had the ‘money talk’ before deciding whether to merge finances.  Who pays for what? And- of paramount importance to an older population, what happens if one of you can’t live independently any more? Issues of long term care- how would it be done? by whom? How is it paid for?  What is the impact on the independent partner? These are often concerns of When- not If. If you’re concerned about whether assets can be insulated from Medicaid spend down, the government does not recognize either prenup or post-nup agreements for this purpose.  There are some protections for spouses both in the Medicaid rules and in Medicaid planning, but you need to examine the pro’s and con’s and see how marriage may impact your responsibilities and the impact on your families before making a decision.  

Do you want to execute a Prenuptial or Post-nuptial Agreement?   If you have established a business or accumulated assets, prenups and post-nups are valid tools to clarify your wishes about how your business, money and property will be distributed.  It could state that each of you have certain assets that are not marital assets, and that you name your children, for example, as beneficiaries of those assets, rather than your new spouse.  Those assets would be disclosed, and listed, for clarity. You can make other decisions regarding assets gained during the marriage.

There are some advantages to being married. If you marry, and your new your spouse has healthcare insurance through work, you can likely be covered under his or her plan. This could save substantial money. There may be also be veteran’s benefits for a spouse.  

If your spouse dies, and you inherit IRA/401k funds, there is more flexibility in payout alternatives for spouses, than non-spouse beneficiaries. There are also potential Social Security spousal benefits, both at death and during your lifetime.

If you’ve been previously divorced, there may be some disadvantages to being married.  Some benefits you may have from your ex may be lost in remarriage.

 If you have been receiving Social Security under your deceased spouse’s benefit and you remarry before age 60 (before age 50 if you are disabled), you will likely lose the prior benefit.  When your new spouse passes away, you may be eligible for that benefit, or a new one based on your new spouse’s record. 

If it doesn’t work out.  It’s hard to ‘uncouple’.  You already know that. As far as relationships are concerned, it may not be any easier to separate regardless of your legal status.  Marriage can offer some asset protection that cohabitation might not.

Do you get my point that there is a lot to consider before making this decision?  

Consult an experienced  financial planner-(ME!)- for what you need to know about your money, how to structure it  and how to manage it, to make the most of whichever choice you make. Don’t forget to check with your attorney, as well, for critical legal documents to protect yourselves and your families, once you have your finances straightened out. 

Avoid the common mistakes most women make about money, especially when they are in crisis- divorce, widowed, etc. Schedule a free consultation with me at Calendly.com/contactagrace; or call me at 716-817-6425.

Securities and Advisory Services offered through Cadaret, Grant, Registered Investment Advisor and Member FINRA/SIPC., Transitioning Finances, Davis Financial Services and Cadaret, Grant & Co., Inc. are separate entities.