Whether you are into making New Year’s Resolutions or not, I know you have expectations for 2020. I call it, A Year of Seeing Clearly. Especially if things aren’t working out in your marriage, you may at least silently hope for change. Well, you don’t have to just silently hope. Here are some things to think about, to help you move forward to clarity in your life.
Whether you’re ready to move forward or still trying to heal from the disruption of the chaotic year that was, a new calendar means a new start. It’s an opportunity to make this year better than the last.
Some ideas for making this New Year better than the last:
- The past is over. Leave it there.The symbolic flipping of a page on the calendar from one year to the next is worth noting. What did you learn from the events of the past year? What can you do differently this year, for a better outcome? What changes do you want to make?
- Take the time to learn, understand and gain control of your finances. Does the thought of this scare you? We understand. Take a deep breath and move past it. Do you run out of money before you run out of month? Are the checkbook and investment portfolio handled by your (possibly) soon-to-be-ex? As the new year begins, start to familiarize yourself with the finances of your marriage. How much do you make? How much do you spend? Does the investment account statement make any sense at all? Do you have a lot of debt? Stressful? It can be. But it’s so much better to know where you stand so you can make informed decisions when you need to. You don’t have to do this alone. Work with a financial advisor or Certified Divorce Financial Analyst to see what you may need to do to get on a solid financial footing. If you plan changes, this will be critical.
- Keep a journal. There’s something so powerful about writing important things down. Sometimes, just writing down feelings can help you clear anger, resentment and other negativity. Did you ever keep a diary or journal? Mine as a child was pink and had a lock that was more for show than security. Now I choose beautiful journals with handmade paper, or just a notebook with a cover I like. Doesn’t matter. It’s a great practice for clearing your head and working through problems. Keeping a journal is a safe, private way to be honest while moving forward. Going through my own divorce, I can’t count the number of nights when I couldn’t sleep, my brain racing with doubts and fears that I couldn’t share with my young daughter. Writing all that out brought some solace, and some sleep, as well.
- Set goals and Write them Down. Yes, journaling again. Oddly enough, the same system of journaling or keeping a diary works just as well for goal setting and achievement. Despite our continual use of laptops, iPads and cellphones, there is still something impactful about picking up a pen and putting words on paper. There’s brain science that confirms that a goal that you set in vivid and careful detail, so clear that someone else reading it would know exactly what you want, is better retained in your memory. When you remember it- you can act on it. Take some time to create your goals, for this new year, for five years, or longer. When you decide what inspires you, describe it in vividly, cut out pictures that show it, and post them in places you can easily see. Craft the steps you need to achieve these goals, and note your progress regularly in your journal. Go for it!
- Try something new. Whether it’s deciding to finally separate, date again, take a trip, face a fear or move to a new place, be bold and try something you wouldn’t have done before. Push the boundaries of your comfort zone! It’s also a way to assert control over your life again and do something the “old” you might not have done. Start the new year with something you have always wanted to do — but didn’t because of your spouse. This is YOUR year!
If you’d like to discuss any of these helpful tips, schedule a Financial Clarity session with me at www.calendly.com/contactAGrace.
